Top posts
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Published from Overblog
It's weird how my emotions can completely differ. And I know how they so easily do. Days like today, I was distracted from the moment I woke up, distracted from you, and distracted onto this amazing new home I found. I finally got something j really wanted...
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Published from Overblog
You came up tonight. I don't remember how, I was drunk. I think I was describing why I cling to Bradley, because he was there for me when you left. But I told them. Who knows if they'll remember. I was drunk. But it was Ryan and Sophia, I told them. I...
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Published from Overblog
It doesn't feel real. Living this life. Doing all this without you here. I just want to cry. You never leave my brain. But somehow I'm still not wrapped around this idea, this actuality that you are gone. That what happened did happen. Maybe its because...
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Published from Overblog
Today as I drive home, I'm scared of leaving you. That I won't be able to sit with you when I'm hurting. That I will be 993 miles away from you. These past nine days have been a blur. A blur of hurting, anger, and utter sadness. The days seem to last...
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Published from Overblog
I broke down about you today. It came by surprise. I was sitting on the shuttle going to gamma practice and I was mad at some of my friends, not mad mad just in the moment like come on guys you're low key being assholes anywho I was still kind of upset...
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Published from Overblog
I find myself questioning a lot lately. How I will keep going. If it will ever be less painful then the horrible ache that constantly fills my heart. What I'm supposed to do with the gaps that will continue in my life where you were supposed to fill....
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Published from Overblog
I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the people who have hundreds of photos with you. Of the people who have multiple videos and voicemails from you. And I'm mad at myself. I was never worried because I thought I had the rest of my life to be with you. I though...
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Published from Overblog
Last night. After I finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I dreamt of you. For hours upon hours it seemed. It felt as if you occupied all of my sleep. This time though was different than the last. You weren't alive in this dream, but still I saw you....
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Published from Overblog
Nobody here knows yet. I don't know when they will either. Maybe someone will ask about you in the pictures I have of us in my room and I'll have to tell them. Or maybe I'll break down one day and someone will see me and I'll have to explain. But I don't...
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Published from Overblog
I just don't get it. I don't understand that you're gone. That you can't be my maid of honor at my wedding or the god mother to my children. That you won't be there with me. Im so scared. Im scared to do all of this without you. Im terrified of living...
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Published from Overblog
How is it that you're not here. How is it that I am living on a planet where you aren't. I'll never understand this. I don't know how many times I've said it. My best friend died. My best friend is dead. But I feel as if I could say it a million times...
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Published from Overblog
This isn't real. No. It can't be real. My best friend cannot be dead. I was just with her. We spent the last 48 hours together. She's not dead. This is a sick dream. Its not real. I keep trying to say it out loud, but it doesn't make it feel any realer....
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Published from Overblog
Here I am. One month later. Sitting in a lounge in my college dorms, sobbing. It's 3am and all I can do is sit on this couch and sob. I'm shaking, and hurting. How is it that I have a month of my life that you aren't in. That i have experienced a month...
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Published from Overblog
You hit me like a brick nowadays. Being so far away it's so easy to avoid the fact of all this. The realness of the situation. Which I don't think is good for me. I think it was better for me to be constantly surrounded by the truth. Constantly surrounded...
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Published from Overblog
I'm scared. I'm scared because I've already been on this planet without your exuberating soul for 154 days. I'm scared because as of tomorrow I will start my first year without you. 2016. Without my best friend. I'm scared because with January comes my...
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Published from Overblog
As I lay on my floor curled up in a ball in ready to die. I can't take this anymore. The sadness has just become who i am it seems to be all I am anymore. It envelops me and I can't get away from it. I put too much of myself in people. I love too hard...
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Published from Overblog
I've come to the conclusion that I really am on my own. No matter the days that are spent surrounded by others be it family or friends, or the days I spend on my own. I am, all the time, by myself. Some people may contradict this idea by saying you're...
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Published from Overblog
I finally told someone tonight. I told them the story of you. And the story of the best and worst trip to mass. It was Brooke, from gamma. I had been helping her study then we took a food break and went to bdubbs and then I asked her "tell me about your...
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Published from Overblog
Fuck. That's all I can keep saying. Fuck. I'm home, which is weird, it's just another place for me to remember you're gone, homes a little worse in some ways though since you've been here you've sat on my floor you've sat on my bed and now you never will...
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Published from Overblog
I still don't know what I'm doing here. Without you. I keep finding myself just wanting to tell you something or ask you something or just talk to you. And I get so close. My forgetting that you're gone comes so close and then j remember. I just. I don't...
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Published from Overblog
I still get ready for bed at night and right before I climb in I think of all the stuff I want to talk to you about. I'm like oh I can't wait to lay down and text Anna about this. But I can't. Which is so weird. And I don't like it. Like it doesn't feel...
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Published from Overblog
How is it that my mom will dance around Kris's feelings and be so respectful and put so much thought into it yet with me there is nothing. I'm sorry did you forget that my best friend died too mom. Did you forget that I am dying inside too mom. Maybe...
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Published from Overblog
“I feel unspeakably lonely. And I feel - drained. It is a blank state of mind and soul I cannot describe to you as I think it would not make any difference. Also it is a very private feeling I have - that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown....
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Published from Overblog
Fuck Anna. The person I've become. Sometimes I hate myself for it. One of those times is right now. To say planes give me anxiety is an understatement. Besides when the boys flew home a couple days after that week I've been able to control it, well enough...
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Published from Overblog
Time. Time is such a strange construct. It never used to confuse me as much as it does nowadays. Tonight I was sitting on my couch and my mom said "now that it's been a couple months" I went to correct her on how absurdly wrong she was until I realized...