A post from Overblog
It doesn't feel real. Living this life. Doing all this without you here. I just want to cry. You never leave my brain. But somehow I'm still not wrapped around this idea, this actuality that you are gone. That what happened did happen. Maybe its because I'm so far away, that Im not constantly being reminded, or maybe its because I don't want to truly accept the fact that you really are gone. How could you be. Why are you. Where are you. People keep saying they see the light. That they see you in the sunrise and sunsets that they feel your presence. But I'm scared to. I'm scared to see you in the sunrise and sunset, to feel your presence, because I'm still holding onto the idea that you'll text me back one day, or give me a call. That you'll fly down to surprise me and scream when you see me running to give me the biggest hug. But I'm scared that if I start to see you in the skies, or feel you by my side that that is the end. That you are gone. And I have truly lost my best friend. I'm not ready for that. I can't handle that. Who could. There are times when I feel like I need it to hit me. Like I need to remind myself that this happened. So for a second I stop living in my fantasy and I think. I think about the fact that I walked up to you but you were in a casket. That I went to your funeral and played a pal over you. That I kissed your casket before they put you, you, in the ground. Thinking about that is so hard for me. It kills me inside. And I hate thinking about it but I don't think it's good for me to keep lying to myself, but I don't want to believe. Please. Make my fantasy a reality and my reality just one horrible horrible dream.