I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the people who have hundreds of photos with you. Of the people who have multiple videos and voicemails from you. And I'm mad at myself. I was never worried because I thought I had the rest of my life to be with you. I though...

Last night. After I finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I dreamt of you. For hours upon hours it seemed. It felt as if you occupied all of my sleep. This time though was different than the last. You weren't alive in this dream, but still I saw you....

Here I am. One month later. Sitting in a lounge in my college dorms, sobbing. It's 3am and all I can do is sit on this couch and sob. I'm shaking, and hurting. How is it that I have a month of my life that you aren't in. That i have experienced a month...

You came up tonight. I don't remember how, I was drunk. I think I was describing why I cling to Bradley, because he was there for me when you left. But I told them. Who knows if they'll remember. I was drunk. But it was Ryan and Sophia, I told them. I...

Nobody here knows yet. I don't know when they will either. Maybe someone will ask about you in the pictures I have of us in my room and I'll have to tell them. Or maybe I'll break down one day and someone will see me and I'll have to explain. But I don't...

I just don't get it. I don't understand that you're gone. That you can't be my maid of honor at my wedding or the god mother to my children. That you won't be there with me. Im so scared. Im scared to do all of this without you. Im terrified of living...

You were in my dreams last night. And honestly it scared the shit out of me, and now I can't stop thinking about.

It doesn't feel real. Living this life. Doing all this without you here. I just want to cry. You never leave my brain. But somehow I'm still not wrapped around this idea, this actuality that you are gone. That what happened did happen. Maybe its because...

You hit me like a brick nowadays. Being so far away it's so easy to avoid the fact of all this. The realness of the situation. Which I don't think is good for me. I think it was better for me to be constantly surrounded by the truth. Constantly surrounded...

How is it that you're not here. How is it that I am living on a planet where you aren't. I'll never understand this. I don't know how many times I've said it. My best friend died. My best friend is dead. But I feel as if I could say it a million times...