You hit me like a brick nowadays. Being so far away it's so easy to avoid the fact...

You hit me like a brick nowadays. Being so far away it's so easy to avoid the fact of all this. The realness of the situation. Which I don't think is good for me. I think it was better for me to be constantly surrounded by the truth. Constantly surrounded by your absence. Even for the few days I've been home. They act like nothings happened, some make small talk about it. But none of them are hurting. Not like me. Not like everyone back at home. So being this far away is basically the strongest numbing medication possible. The numbness seems like it would be a good thing, but for me I don't think it is. How am I supposed to get over this, healthily. Its not right to feel as if nothing happened and then when I'm alone to think my entire body begins to shake and I just begin to sob. Id rather have constant days of sadness surrounded by people who share similar feelings then where I am now surrounded by who I am now.